Yes back. so I’ve been blogging for the past 2+ years, but sometime ago towards the end of 2015 right into 2016. I found myself in a state of mental exhaustion. The happy-go-lucky, so determined, curious girl disappeared and all that was left was a drained woman, who might I add, distracted herself with a million different things. I’m not sure exactly when it happened or how, but I knew myself things weren’t good, I had become a shadow of who I was.
See the thing is when someone is going through something, anything! it’s far too easy for everyone to ignore it because she hides it so well, or downplays it, or even completely ignores it, but just because you don’t see it happening does not mean it’s not happening.
You see I never had a ‘teenage rebellious age’ or a ‘obsessed with the opposite sex age’ or a ‘not interested in school age’ Lol I guess my parents got lucky eh? For all intent and purpose I was a ‘good’ girl, well I think so. But I turned 24 and everything turned on its head and just a little bit prior to that! I became confused on what I wanted to do with my life, and if you know me that is a rarity. I lost focus on my goals and my dreams and became somewhat reckless. I did things with careless abandon and the girl who had a six months plan, and a 3 year plan and a 5 year plan got lost somewhere in the middle of it all. I’d left what was a ‘good’ job and couldn’t stomach the thought of getting another one. I moved country. I did a lot of random travelling, but for what was almost a year I didn’t have anything to keep me focused and I simply floated.
But I’m lucky and blessed through it all my family has been constant! Putting just enough pressure but nothing too much, giving me time to breath and sort things out my way, allowing me to go wherever, whenever. Including going for days without checking in! (My poor mother) but through all the foggy mess I knew there was support no matter what. J
While it wasn’t a tough year, I could probably say it was fun! I am all too aware it was a slippery slope that could have easily turned dangerous.
But then 25 came and everything changed! And boy did it feel good.
I can’t really explain what happened but honestly it just felt like a better version of me won this ‘fight’ with myself. I don’t think I took any massive turning point actions, I guess I had to just let myself live through it instead of trying to fix it, I wasn’t broken but I definitely was damaged and I guess time just fixed it! Few months to 25 I changed career paths and got a new job I am happier with, I am willing to explore further education, I traveled more intently, with purpose I was re-activating my businesses, redefining my goals and thought hey what about my blog!
Well what has blogging got to do with you say? See I’ve penned down my thoughts since 2013 and I loved doing it, but through my what I have now come to realize was my ‘Transitioning into adulthood’ phase I stopped blogging and let my blog fizzle away. Now that I feel like I’ve made it through that particular tunnel to begin the next phase of my journey it is only a matter of time before getting back to blogging I guess.
Now that I looked back on that period, I realized it was my own figuring it out phase, it just came a little late I guess or maybe a little early (Pre-midlife crises?) either way I am glad I got through it
Why I write this? I put my thoughts down so maybe somehow it’ll help somebody somewhere get through something similar. Maybe it will inspire change. Maybe it will just comfort you knowing somebody else has been through it.
Have you had or are you going through a period like this? A year where you struggled? What are you doing and how are you getting through it? Let me know I’d love hear from you.
Thank you for indulging me.